In almost all
societies the world over, men occupy a position of privilege relative to women
and there is a general but false belief that women are the weaker sex. However,
when you think about it, the same society that elevates men to that position of
privilege also thoroughly disempowers them. The following points illustrate
some ways in which men are disempowered and why I am happy I am not one:
Crying: From
an early age, boys are taught that crying is a sign of weakness. They are
encouraged to "man up" and “suck it up” even when they are hurting.
Yet, crying is believed to be therapeutic as it promotes healing. When we
forbid boys and men to cry, we stifle the healing process.
Emotions:
Men are socialized to believe that expressing emotions, particularly those that
are perceived to be feminine is a sign of weakness. Unfortunately, many men
express most negative feelings through anger because it is an "acceptable
masculine emotion”. This anger is either turned on the self on those they relate
with. Dysfunctional behaviour like alcohol and substance abuse, taking
unnecessary risks, violence and even suicide are some of the ways in which some
men try to deal with or escape from their pain.
I can be
weak: Men are socialized to embody all that denotes power. This
includes being strong, brave and in control. Inevitably, not all men can live
up to these societal expectations all the time. When they fall short, society
judges them harshly and emasculates them. The ensuing feelings of
disempowerment affect their sense of worth and cause a lot of pain. Yet, showing
any sign of weakness is “unmanly” so they suffer in silence.
Male
disempowerment is a problem of the society and not that of men alone. It leads
to unhealthy relationships, dysfunctional families and ultimately a
malfunctioning society. Men and women need to be re-socialized to construct and
embrace healthy masculinities. If we stop putting so much pressure on men and
allow them to be human, maybe I will not be so afraid of being a man.
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